


This Isn’t The Only Way

by The_Leader_Of_The_Resistance



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Another Episode: Ultra Despair Girls
Genre: AU Haiji Towa, Alternate Universe, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Leader_Of_The_Resistance/pseuds/The_Leader_Of_The_Resistance
Summary: Haiji has lost all rationality, but you’re determined to save Towa City...and save him from himself.
Relationships: Towa Haiji/Adult Reader
Kudos: 5





	This Isn’t The Only Way

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: This is the third revision for this one-shot, and I won’t lie, sticking closer to canon all while taking creative liberties (and keeping obvious stuff out of this portrayal) is fun! Haiji pretty much wrote himself here, surprising me in the process.
> 
> I stayed true to how I felt when I first saw this infamous scene from Chapter 5 of Ultra Despair Girls, and pretty much improved on not just Haiji, but this alternate scene as a whole.

##  ** This Isn't The Only Way **

“Enough already, just hand over that controller!!” Haiji slapped Toko with brute force, knocking her onto the floor. “I’ll crush it!”

“Haiji!!!” You shouted from across the room with hands over your mouth, horrified by what he’d done. All you could do was watch with panic-filled eyes. Monaca watched with cold green eyes while Kotoko shared your anxiety. Your friend Komaru remained on her knees, completely oblivious of everything.

“I’ll...I’ll never...I’ll never hand it over!” Toko cried, holding the controller close, the one thing keeping the children alive.

Haiji knelt on the floor and grabbed her by the collar of her dress, his deadly glare the darkest you had ever seen. “Do you want me to hurt you even more?!”

Toko returned his glare with her own. “Hurt? That means nothing to me. I’m sure you don’t understand since you have plenty of disposable friends, but...I finally made a friend in Komaru, and I’m not going to hurt my friend. So I’ll _never_ hand it over!”

Haiji’s fury escalated in milliseconds. “Shut up!! In order to get the kids under control, and end this nightmare,” he rose back up with his fist in the air, “this is the only way!!!”

“NO!!” Your shriek echoed throughout the room as you restrained his arm with both of your own. “You’re the one who’s out of control!!”

Haiji shot his lethal glare right at you and snarled like some wild beast, you practically trembled. “Stay out of this!!”

“No!” You stood your ground despite your lingering fear. “Haiji, listen to me! You’re not thinking clearly, so I suggest you calm down right now!”

He tried to pull away, but you hardened your grip. “Let me go, damnit!!”

“Did you even hear what I said?! Calm down!!”

“I said let me go!!!” 

He threw a fist with his metallic arm, but you dodged it and kicked him in the guts, earning an agonizing scream from him. The impact gave you a chance to lunge toward him, sending him to the floor face-first. You landed on him with all the strength you could muster, keeping his arms behind his back. Haiji let out a harsh groan and struggled, but you pressed your knees on top of his back.

“Get off me!!”

“What are you doing?!” Kotoko demanded, frightened by the brawl that started. 

You noticed Monaca had vanished, but that was the least of your concerns. “I’m trying to deal with my dumbass boyfriend! What does it look like I’m doing?!” 

You shot Toko a fierce gaze. With one look at you, she knew immediately that your orders had to be obeyed, not just for everyone in the room but for the children. Their lives depended on this. 

“Toko! Take Komaru and the kid with you and get out of here! Don’t let **anything** happen to that controller!”

“No!!” Haiji roared, struggling to break free with such fiery desperation, you jumped once to get him to stop. 

Toko ran off with Komaru and Kotoko in tow, exchanging glances between you and Haiji before disappearing elsewhere. Haiji’s blood boiled with uncontrollable rage, his growling intensified. 

He strained himself to glare at you. “You idiot!!! You let them get away!!!”

“I had to, Haiji! You're the one who’s being an idiot!!”

Haiji jerked to the side, forcing you off him. Your cheek collided with the floor as he got back on his feet at lightning speed. His lavender eyes, their former tenderness lost within the storm of turbulent anger, were razor-sharp daggers directed at you.

“I can’t believe you, _______!” 

“The same can be said about you,” you shot back, pushing yourself up. Your breath hitched when Haiji marched towards you.

“Why the hell did you interfere?!”

You struggled to get back on your feet. “Oh, come on, Haiji, you know exactly why.”

“Tch!” Ignoring you, Haiji swiveled and bolted to the exit.

As an act of defiance, you ran past him and blocked his way. “No!” 

Haiji screeched to a halt. “Are you serious?”

“You’re not going anywhere until you listen to reason!”

“Reason?” Haiji burst into bitter laughter. “Says the one who destroyed my chances to end this hell for both of us.”

“Are you listening to yourself?!” Disbelief, horror, and indignation washed over you, giving you the courage to stand right in front of Haiji. “Haiji, you almost **murdered** kids!”

He smacked his hand over his face. “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” He jerked his hand to his side. “When will you get it through your thick skull? They. Are. Not. Kids anymore! After all the atrocities they created, they deserve to die!”

He tried walking past you, but you blocked his path again. With an impatient growl, he forced himself through. You pressed your hands on his hard chest, trying to push him back, but you barely succeeded. How could you succeed if he was bigger and stronger?

“Haiji-“ you grunted, your feet sliding on the floor, “-will you just stop for one second? Think for a moment!”

“Fucking hell,” he muttered, then shoved you aside so hard, you had to fight for balance. He rushed out of the room.

Alarmed, you charged after him, surprising him with a tight hug. “Haiji, stop! Please!”

His deep snarl broke your heart as he attempted to pry you off. You wouldn’t budge, nor would you dare loosen your grip. You planted your feet firmly on the floor and tried to pull him away. Haiji growled and pulled as well, trying to break free. You didn’t want to believe how far he would go all because he was blinded by revenge, but the way he kept fighting to chase after the girls just to snatch that controller and take away innocent lives mortified and infuriated you. This wasn't right! His twisted desire to slaughter children that were actually brainwashed was undeniably cruel.

"_______, let me go! Now!" He tugged at your hair.

“Owwwww!! Quit it!!” You yanked his hair in retaliation. 

“Ahhhhh!! I swear, _______, if you don’t fucking let go, I will-“ 

You heaved when you managed to free your hair. Damn, he had a steel grip. "You’ll what?! Hit me?! I’m not letting go until you take deep breaths and start using your brain!"

You could only hang on to him for so long, every second painstakingly rough due to how strong he was compared to you. Haiji’s growling still intimidated you, but you wouldn’t back down. The two of you pulled at each other’s hair, muffling your screams and tugging at one another. You hated this violent battle, but you had no other choice but to do it. 

“ **Let go**.“ Haiji tried to force his hair out of your grip.

You groaned with one eye closed, his fingers clenching your hair tight. “Haiji, **calm down!** ” 

A scream left your lips when Haiji broke free and pinned you against a wall. 

“Haiji!” You frantically tugged at your arms, but he was too strong. “Let me go!”

“Not so fun when you’re restrained against your will, is it?” It pained him to do this to you. He didn’t enjoy fighting with you, but you were in the way. “Give me _one_ good reason why I should spare those bastards.” You dared not to answer and fought to get out of his iron grip. “Answer me!”

You gave up trying to break free. “One?! One?!!” You snapped back at him. “I can think of a million reasons that you are failing to even acknowledge! Snap out of it!”

Haiji sighed in pure frustration. “Why should I?! This was our last chance to end this goddamn nightmare!! And you ruined it!!”

“Ours?! Haiji, this was never our idea! I _never_ agreed to murder innocent children like a coldhearted monster!”

He released one of your arms and yanked you towards him. But he didn’t try to hurt you. His grip never crushed your wrist. You knew he would never hurt you, but he didn’t have to hurt you physically to make you wince with fear and sadness. This wasn’t the Haiji you knew and loved, the emotion-driven, but capable leader. Yes, he may have been a difficult person to deal with, always allowing his emotions to override his rationality, but you loved him no matter what. But this…! He was letting his emotions blind him to such horrifying extremes, you had to stop him before you lost him forever.

“Killing innocent children won’t solve anything. You’ll become a murderer if you do.”

“ _I don’t care!_ How many times do I have to tell you?! They are _not_ innocent children!”

“Can’t you think about someone other than yourself?!”

That question alone caused Haiji to pause, wide-eyed. His horrendous hatred, however, overshadowed that reaction.

He spoke through gritted teeth. “Did you forget how much I’ve suffered?”

“Of course I didn’t.”

“Then you know what I’ve been through. You were by my side as my city, my home, continued to fall apart before my very eyes. I have the right to protect what’s left of it, so don’t you **dare** start assuming I’m the bad guy here.”

“But you _are_ the bad guy, only you’re too blind to see that!”

“Blind?!” His fury escalated. “I’m not blind from the harsh reality like you are! You care so much about those demons, you fail to see what they have done.”

“I know full well what they’ve done!”

“It doesn’t sound like it if you can’t understand things from my own perspective! Do you have any idea what I’ve lost? I lost **everything!!!** ”

You suddenly slapped him with such intensity, Haiji staggered during the impact, releasing you to grip his cheek. He still glowered at you, but he didn’t move. The darkness in his lavender eyes flickered, like he was stunned by what you did.

Your body trembled as your own rage and pain warred inside your heart. You couldn’t believe that he would be this heartless. Tears threatened to fall, but you forbade them to escape.

“You don’t think I know what you’ve been through?” You growled. “I lost loved ones too, remember?! Don’t think you’re so special, Haiji! This has been hard for both of us! For all of us!!”

Haiji narrowed his eyes. “I know that.”

“No, you don’t,” you countered. “If you knew, you wouldn’t have made this rash decision on your own without thinking about the consequences.”

The lump in your throat grew, but you didn’t want to surrender to tears. However, your shouts began to tremble. 

“Those kids are being brainwashed! How would you feel if you had a kid and they were in this situation, huh?! Would you kill them too?!”

The dark expression plastered on Haiji’s face didn’t subside, but a hint of confusion started to show.

“Don’t you get it, Haiji? They didn’t kill because they wanted to, it’s those stupid helmets that Monaca forced onto them that made them this way, yet you have the nerve to wish death upon them? How could you say something like that, Haiji?!"

Haiji’s hateful stare didn’t falter at first, but once the flow of your tears trailed your cheeks, he froze. You boldly stared at him, your anger diminishing from your eyes.

“I don’t like this side of you, Haiji,” you confessed with a sob. “I hate it! What happened to the leader that I love, huh? Did you forget about me and how I would feel about this? Did you lose your heart in the process?”

“_______-“

“Shut up!” You spat unsteadily. Haiji winced at your outburst. “I get that you’re angry after what they’ve done to you, to all of us, but it’s not the kids’ fault. They’re unable to control themselves. They are not themselves. Just like how _you’re_ not being yourself.”

Haiji’s stone-cold expression cracked at how devastated you looked, how you wiped away your tears only for fresh ones to take their place. No matter how hard you tried to stop crying, controlling your emotions had become impossible. His wrath gradually vanished like a puff of smoke, the hardness in his eyes softening.

“Just stop it,” you whimpered. “Please. You're scaring me…! This psychotic side of you terrifies me!" Your erratic sobs echoed throughout the room, and you gripped his shirt. “They don’t deserve to die! They're innocent! Please don’t do this!” You pleaded as you burst into tears. “Don’t give in to despair. I'm begging you! I don't want us to fall apart! I love you!”

Just like that, the urge for vengeance disappeared from Haiji’s heart. He scared you. He did this to you. He hurt you, and that painful realization allowed him to regain his sanity. How could he have taken things this far and hurt the one he had grown to love with all his heart?

“_______...I have done everything to keep everyone alive and fight for their freedom. All I want is to keep the survivors safe. I want to keep _you_ safe.”

“I know you want to keep me safe…but what about the children?” No answer. “Haiji...” You stroked his cheek. He grimaced over the stinging sensation. Remorse filled your gaze as you examined the red mark you gave him.

He averted his gaze. After what he had done, he couldn’t bear to look at you. “We just want this to be over.”

“No. _You_ want this to be over.”

Haiji glanced back at you. “What?”

You exhaled a weak sigh. He didn’t understand, but you couldn’t blame him. Revenge would make anyone irrational.

“Haiji, admit it. You were thinking more about what _you_ want. Sure, you think about the other adults, about me, but…but in the end, you always came first. That’s what hurts, Haiji. You focused on what you wanted and left me behind.”

“That’s not true!” He protested.

“Is it?!” 

Your outburst forced Haiji to step back. Neither of you spoke. Time froze as you stared at each other, yearning to say more, but decided against it.

You cut through the silence with another sigh, shaking your head in disappointment as you walked away. “I better go check on Komaru and the others.” 

“Babe, wait.” 

“When you start being rational, then we’ll talk.” It agonized you to say that to him, but you didn’t want to fight him again. You didn’t need any more pain.

Your steps echoed throughout the hallway. You willed yourself to not turn back, believing he would come to his senses by himself. Little did you know, frustration, pain, and dread penetrated his heart, unshed tears beginning to blur his vision. 

No. He didn’t want to cry. Expressing vulnerability still embarrassed him, but the more he suppressed it, the stronger his emotions became. He didn’t want this to go unresolved. He lost so much, and he didn’t want to lose you as well.

The emotional agony urged him to dart after you. “Wait!” He grabbed your wrist.

Startled, you glanced at Haiji. His face resonated with shame, torment, and sorrow. Failing to keep his emotions under control, a stray tear rolled down his cheek. 

“Don’t go.”

If you were Komaru, or Toko, or anyone else, you’d jerk away and leave him alone. You were deeply hurt and disappointed in him, but unlike the others, you didn’t have the heart to punish him. 

“Haiji…”

“Please,” he pleaded. “Stay.”

“Okay, okay,” you whispered. “I’ll stay. I won’t go anywhere.”

Haiji shut his eyes, fighting to hold back his tears but to no avail. His eyelashes glistened as they slipped past them. His eyes fluttered open.

“I’m sorry, _______. You’re right.” His lashes shielded his teary gaze. “I didn’t want to admit it, but you’re right. I only cared about myself. I never considered your feelings or anyone else’s. I guess I really am an idiot…” 

His eyes squeezed shut again, chiding himself for not being the best leader. The survivors, his people, were supposed to be his priority. _You_ were supposed to be his priority. 

“Haiji.” Concern and worry sparkled in your eyes, on the verge of tears yourself, but pushed the feeling aside.

“They’re brainwashed…The kids are brainwashed,” he said with a shaky breath, forcing his eyes closed. He rubbed his face now that he was finally facing the truth. “They’re not responsible for this. Damn, how could I have been so fucking stupid?!” He frightened you by punching the wall with the side of his fist. “What would the others think of me?”

With his anger jumbled with all the emotions he was already feeling, Haiji shifted all the blame on himself. You could sense the tension in the air, you took a step closer to him. 

“Haiji-“

“I can’t believe I would go this far by wanting them dead! I’m no different from those kids! I should have known better!”

“Haiji, Haiji, calm down.” You tried to reach out to him, but he turned the other way. “It wasn't your fault. Your hatred blinded you. It could happen to anyone. I’m just glad you’re starting to realize your mistake.”

There was a long pause between both of you. You waited anxiously for him to say something, you hurried to check on him.

“I hurt you…” Haiji’s voice was so small, you had to strain to hear him. Hugging himself, he hung his head. “I was supposed to protect you…”

His fragile voice broke your heart. You gently lifted his handsome face. The lovely lavender hue had become a full, haunting gaze staring right at you. You had never seen such powerful emotions in him, it sharpened your sympathy.

“Haiji, please relax. I know how you feel,” you said. “You know I do. You lost so much, and you want everything back, but you have to remember you’re not alone, Haiji. We all experienced the same nightmare as you.”

More tears cascaded down his cheeks. “I know…”

“I just want you to let others in, Haiji. If you had been honest with your feelings, we would have listened. I would have been there for you.”

Haiji tried to speak, but the hard lump in his throat made it difficult. He simply nodded instead. You were right about everything so far. About him and how he’d been acting. He looked so broken to you, your heart ached for him. The truth hurt, but he needed this. It was for his own good, and he was well aware of it.

Your thumbs dried his tears. “I wish I could erase the pain and suffering you’ve endured. I’d do anything for you if it meant helping you.”

Haiji surprised you by abruptly hugging you tight. No longer holding back, he started crying, his soft sobs becoming louder with time. He hated being this vulnerable, but drowning in his emotions wouldn’t have made him feel any better. What would make him feel better was doing what you had been suggesting for ages and not feel humiliated for doing it: Letting out all of his emotions.

His shoulders trembled as he clung to you, afraid that he might lose you if he dared to let you go. You returned the hug with all your strength, letting him know you weren’t going anywhere.

“I’m sorry, _______...!” He sobbed, his breathing uneven. “I'm so sorry. Please forgive me! I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never want to lose you. You're…You’re the only one who can keep me sane.”

A shocking truth to admit to himself, but it was a fact. If you hadn’t stopped him, he would have crossed the line. You deserved better than that. The last thing he wanted was for you to leave him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, frustrated with himself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Shh, shh, shh...” You caressed his ebony locks, leaning into his embrace. Haiji sniffed and nuzzled your shoulder. “It’s okay, Haiji,” you spoke softly. “It’s okay. I'm here. I'll never leave you. No matter what happens, I’m never going to leave you."

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated.

“I know, Haiji. I know. It’s okay. I forgive you.”

“I’m glad I have you...or I would have made the worst mistake in my entire life. I'm such a dumbass. Breaking the controller isn’t the solution. The others never wanted that, but I didn’t listen. I owe everyone an apology.”

“I’m sure they’ll forgive you.” You were confident that they would.

“Shit, I can't believe Monaca would go this far." 

You could feel his pain as he said that. Monaca was the sister he had once loved only to loathe her as the years passed, all because of his petty jealousy and resentment. He failed to save her. He failed as a brother. The damage had already been done, and there was nothing he could do to repair it.

“Neither of us can believe it,” you agreed, your sadness in sync with his own.

Haiji swiped at the rest of his tears, taking deep breaths to calm himself. "...What if there isn't another way?”

“This isn’t the only way, Haiji.” You cupped his face. “We just have to find a different solution. There has to be something that we can do to free the kids and end this war. That way, there won’t be any more bloodshed. Our principle is to not waste lives. You said that yourself, and there’s no way we’ll do anything that defies that.”

Haiji blinked in surprise, touched by the words that were similar to what he had said long ago. He nodded, faintly proud of you for following the advice he should follow himself.

His face was drenched with tears, but you dried the remaining ones with delicate fingers. “You’re right.” His lips formed the tender smile that you loved, and he nuzzled you.

Your smile mimicked that tenderness. “There’s that smile I love.” Your fingers brushed his stubble. “As for Monaca…don’t give up hope, okay? Someday, you’ll be able to make things right.”

“I hope so...” He nuzzled your hand. He possessed brittle hope, but with you by his side, it would regain its strength.

“We’ll find another way to stop this war once and for all, Haiji. I promise.”

You crushed his lips with yours, his stubble prickling your face…just the way you liked it. Haiji melted into the kiss, the taste of your sweet lips soothing and intoxicating. His arms pressed you against him, trapping you in his grip, but this time you enjoyed it. Your hands raked through his long black locks while Haiji deepened the kiss. For a long moment, you remained in his embrace, the kiss full of deep, intimate passion, his body warm and inviting. This was all it took to show him how much you loved him and how you would do anything to help him save Towa City, and you both made the silent vow to find an alternative solution to save the kids and the adults together.


End file.
